GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! It's so easy, it's so right, it's so easy when you rock it with your body, baby. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Thanks to a big win in Illinois last night, Mittens Romney is solidly halfway to securing the nomination of the Republican party. Have fun holding your noses, GOP!

Mittens also wins the endorsement of former Florida governor Jeb Bush—who, for some reason that baffles me to no end, the GOP gives two shits about.

Meanwhile back in the real world, Obama continues his fight to promote alternative energy sources—unless of course, you Republicans LIKE supporting the Saudis? TRAITORS!

The shooter who killed three kids and one adult at a Jewish school in southern France is reportedly cornered—AND a possible al-Qaida member!

In Colombia, the government is saying they've killed dozens of the already weakened rebels in the Revolutionary Armed Forces.

As Nathan reported yesterday, a 7.4-magnitude quake shook Mexico injuring at least 11 and damaging hundreds of homes. (If you haven't read Nathan's feature yet, I urge you to do so. Seriously, we can't afford to lose any readers!)

According to ABC News, workers who make Tommy Hilfiger clothes in Bangladesh suffer from abysmal and dangerous working conditions. Hey... Mike Daisey should write a play about that!

The most shocking headline you will read all day: "Willie Nelson throws his support behind proposed Oregon marijuana initiative."

America's sweetheart Reese Witherspoon is pregnant! (Hopefully the baby's chin isn't as pointy as mom's... no one wants Reese to be stabbed!)

Hip hop performer Ray J claims he is sitting on "a ton" of sex tapes featuring himself and the late Whitney Houston. EWWWWWW! Don't get up on our account!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: RAIN. But maybe some sun on Friday and Saturday!

And finally, for your music lovers, here's Madonna's newest video, "Girls Gone Wild." (Wait... did I say "music lovers"?) Seriously, the song is pretty "meh," but the video is gaaaaaay-rific!