Thousands gathered in Florida yesterday to denounce the murder of Trayvon Martin and demand the arrest of the racial-epithet-using man who shot the teenager because he was black, wearing a hooded sweatshirt to keep warm, and, you know, walking outside.
The president got intensely personal when discussing the murder—and a promised federal investigation—at a press conference this morning. “If I had a son, he’d look like Trayvon," he said, later adding: “I think every parent in America should be able to understand why it is absolutely imperative that we investigate every aspect of this.... I can only imagine what these parents are going through. When I think about this boy, I think about my own kids.”
In a shooting that's actually being prosecuted, the Army staff sergeant accused of breaking down and savagely gunning down 17 Afghan civilians will be arraigned on nearly three dozen charges and violations, the government says.
Syria's rebels, a loosely knit and heavily outgunned band of angry civilians and army defectors, are running out of bullets in their uphill battle against Bashir al-Assad's loyal massacre squads. But never fear! The European Union has barred Assad's wife from setting foot on the continent and shopping for fineries.
Sarah Palin's example has Republicans vowing to carefully vet whoever wins the No. 2 spot on the party's ticket. Next time (shit, this is too easy; also, hackneyed), maybe they'll do the same for the top of the ticket! Hey-O!
But seriously folks! Rick Santorum, who's consolidating his lead in the Confederacy, this time in Louisiana, now says voters should back Barack Obama over Willard Romney. Why? Because a Muslim Communist antichrist is apparently the lesser evil when compared to a flip-flopping Massachusetts Mormon Etch-a-Sketch.
A genuine ocean of true-blue H2O has been found on one of Saturn's moons.
In the name of Fighting Terrorism, New York police have spent years spying on, keeping files on, and infiltrating liberal outfits whose members were doing nothing more than talking radical politics and legally protesting.
HOLY SHIT. THE ATHEISTS ARE "COMING OUT." BUT I'LL ALWAYS BELIEVE IN ANGELS. LIKE ALL OF YOU. SMOOCH. EXCUSE ME.