Today in confusing news: The 400-pound deer statue that was lifted from the front yard of a Beaverton dental office earlier this month has been found. But not all in one piece. No—the poor bronze deer was chopped into seemingly systematic bits. Why, you ask? Here's a possible answer: 39-year-old Chad Ferguson was not only arrested for theft of the statue, but also for possession of methamphetamine. The original owners of the deer already have plans to stick it back together and put it back where it rightfully belongs.
- "My bodyyyyy!"