Now my Russian isn't what it used to be—in fact, the only word I know is "nyet"—but this is what I think this Russian newscaster is saying:

ROOSKIE NEWS ANCHOR: A man and a dog panicked today after stumbling upon a flying little girl. The man and dog were walking through the woods recently, when the dog ran ahead and suddenly started screaming, "Oh, fuck me! Dude, there's a fucking flying little girl over here, man! SHE'S ACTUALLY FUCKING FLYING!"

The man also saw the flying little girl, and when later reached for comment said, "My dog was absolutely correct. That was a flying little girl. What... the... fuck."

As you will see in this video, the flying little girl stopped flying when she was spotted by the astounded dog and man, and walked away with someone who was presumably her mother, or perhaps a disguised Professor Charles Francis Xavier who is known to run a highly regarded school for mutants. Wait... it couldn't be Professor Xavier—dude's crippled. Anyway. A FLYING GIRL. Whoa. That's some trippy shit. Now on to sports, with Yuri Gravenovich...

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