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We used some petty cash to hire these two stick figures to perform this dramatization of tonight's sporting event featuring the Trail Blazers of Portland and the Warriors of Golden State. The game itself will, I'm sure, be much more nuanced, featuring physical feats of agility and amazement that far surpass this dramatization, and so you should check back here at 7:30pm tonight for my running commentary highlighting such occasions, should they hapen.

This is not to say the stick figure thespians we hired are bad at their job. It's just, yunno, they're stick figures. There's only so much weight you can place on their shoulders. It's not like they're from the same school of Stick Figure superstardom as this guy:

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That dude is a serious get, and we only have so much petty cash.

Tonight, 7:30pm, HOT LIVE BLOG ACTION. Get some.