Insert your own phallic joke about the premature breakup of North Korea's very scary "rocket" yesterday. So how might the PRK decide to assuage its embarrassing display of performance anxiety? Oh, just by testing another atom bomb.

Newark Mayor Cory Booker already kicks Mayor Sam Adams' rump when it comes to social media. Last night, he one-upped Adams once again: He ran into a burning building to save someone's life. I'm imagining Sam Adams' response: "Okay. Fine. But actually I still win. I'm not the mayor of Newark, New Jersey."

Adams did announce yesterday, in case you missed our post late in the afternoon, that he's found legal justification for ignoring an arbitrator's ruling that would otherwise reinstate the fired police officer who shot and killed Aaron Campbell in January 2010.

A premature baby found miraculously alive after 12 hours in a morgue refrigerator might still die.

A corporate lobbying (and law-writing) group with tendrils in every state legislature in America has weathered a string of high-profile defections because of its work in pushing the kind of "stand your ground" law that's been invoked in the Trayvon Martin shooting.

That won't stop Willard Romney from begging for cash from/giving a speech to another group in support of that law: the National Rifle Association.

Barack Obama will now spend the next several months chewing on his positive, above-the-fray knuckles, because Romney is going to keep making it SO GODDAMNED HARD to NOT run negative ads.

Fox News is siccing its lawyers on Gawker and its would-be "Fox Mole," complaining about civil and criminal misconduct, etc. Gawker responds with a picture of a young, middle-finger-extending Bill O'Reilly standing next to a topless woman.

Proof that Syria's "truce" is "holding": Only five people were killed in protests. Baby steps!

Arizona's governor has approved a ban on most late-term abortions. No word if nativist Arizona will pass a separate law—maybe called "Anchors Away"?—actively requiring late-term abortions for undocumented immigrants.

Obviousness, Part 1: Mel Gibson was reportedly caught saying racist, murderous, sexist things.

Obviousness, Part 2: "Painter of light" Thomas Kinkade was an alcoholic.

A TV station showed porn instead of Good Morning, America. Too bad it was a mistake, because it might have been the first time the show lived up to its insipidly cloying name.

HEY, IT'S FRIDAY THE 13TH! ALSO, LJN MADE SOME OF THE WORST NES GAMES EVER.