GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Fly the ocean in a silver plane. See the jungle when it's wet with rain. Just remember 'til you're home again, you belong to me. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
Sure, there's a lot of things going on in the world today, but let's start with the most important thing first. A 50-YEAR-OLD MAN STRIPS NAKED IN THE PORTLAND AIRPORT TO PROTEST TSA BODY SEARCHES! (Wonder if they found anything?)
More military controversy in Afghanistan: Pictures have surfaced of American soldiers posing with body parts of dead insurgents. Paging Lynndie England!
A NYT/CBS poll finds that Obama and Romney are virtually neck and neck. (However, since Romney's numbers drop every time he opens his mouth, he should be out of the race by early next week.)
Investigators are searching for the prostitutes who allegedly slept with Secret Service officers—you know... just to question them.
A female Fort Bragg soldier is currently missing in North Carolina, and the circumstances seem extremely suspicious.
UGNHHH! This story is so horrible, I refuse to say anything more about it except for the following words: "rape," "mentally ill," and "viral video."
Scientists ask, "Are mean people born that way?" Let's leave that to Blogtown commenters to answer—they're the experts.
A retired Illinois couple wins $158 million in the Mega Millions Jackpot. "Werther's Candies! For all my friends!"
The most unsettling headline of the day: "South Korea's mood-sensing robotic prison guards."
The federal judge ruling in the case of Mohamed Mohamud—the man charged with attempting to explode a bomb at a Pioneer Square Christmas tree lighting back in 2010—is telling prosecutors to turn over evidence to the defense that could go a long way in proving that Mohamud may have been entrapped by the FBI.
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: On and off showers today through Friday—but what's this? A SUNNY, LOW-70s WEEKEND AHEAD!
And finally, here's the top story from a news station in the Ozarks: KINDERGARTENER POOPS HER PANTS IN CLASS! (Well, it's no "dog running down the freeway" breaking news—but this is the Ozarks, after all.)