Self-protection is always smart! And what better way to protect oneself against sexual assault than with the following self-defense video from the '80s? Learn how to:
Poke a rapist's tomato out!
Shove around a dorky kid in his pajamas.
Rub excrement on your arms.
Bite off your assailant's cucumber.
Listen to the most awesome "Rapist Beware" song of all time!
And always remember: "Don't think that you can't—KNOW that you can't!"
Thank you, Everything is Terrible.