Egypt's dictator for life, Hosni Mubarak, will now be a prisoner for life. Unless he dies in the next few days—the 84-year-old reportedly had a "health crisis" immediately after the verdict was announced. Or unless the corrupt judge presiding over the case throws the decision out on appeal, just like he did a bunch of other cases involving lesser lights in Egypt's firmament of state-sponsored murder.

Google will start warning Chinese users whenever they type words and phrases that the Chinese government has censored lead to unexplained service disruptions and error messages.

Facebook's calamitous initial public stock offering has become the subject of a Securities and Exchange Commission inquiry. Three issues are in play: What caused the weird Nasdaq glitch as the start of trading? Did Facebook blurt privileged information to insiders? And did underwriter Morgan Stanley also favor some investors (rich professionals) over others (dilettantes who enjoy the talking baby in the eTrade adverts)?

The US Navy is ending its traditional 50-50 split between the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, tilting things 60-40 on the side of the Pacific, which is obviously the much bigger ocean and clearly should have more boats floating in it. NO. It's definitely not because of China. STOP ASKING. WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING THAT?

Syria continues to slaughter its women and children despite a "cease-fire," but more "tough talk," this time by a former United Nations secretary general, will totally make it all stop.

Libtard darling Elizabeth Warren, running against male model Scott Brown for a Senate seat in Massachusetts, made a big fuck-up by making a big deal about having Cherokee heritage that she might not actually have.

A crafty Risk player, probably with, like, 30 armies in Alaska, suggests Russia move its capital to Kamchatka.

Because a judge says Trayvon Martin's accused killer lied about a secret bail fund, talking in code with his wife, George Zimmerman will now have to report directly to jail.

Another digital divide: Poor kids waste more time on computers than rich kids.

Anyone remember (the internally capitalized) HyperCard?

SPOILER ALERT! THE ENDING OF MASK—STARRING CHER AND PORTLAND'S VERY OWN SAM ELLIOTT—IS SAD. HAPPY SATURDAY!