Fire!: Wildfires in dry Colorado and New Mexico are burning out of control, eating up a current total of 118 structures and leaving one person dead.
Kings of the Cup: After 45 years of waiting, the Los Angeles Kings finally take home the Stanley Cup. Fans and players alike are slightly overjoyed.
Today in Dingo Crime News: Remember the Australian woman who claimed that a dingo ate her baby 32 years ago? Of course you do. Turns out it also takes that long to actually confirm it.
Horrible Headline of the Day: "Children Tortured, Used as Human Shields in Syria"
Sandusky Stuff: As Jerry Sandusky's trial kicks off, his lawyers link him to having a histrionic personality disorder. Whatever that is, I don't think I want it.
Shit Out of Luck: A small Massachusetts town is voting to enforce a "swear jar," forcing residents to pay a whooping $20 each time they swear in public. Well, fuck. OH NO THERE GOES DINNER.
Brain Meltdown!: 150 autistic brains thaw at Harvard's autism research lab, thanks to a fridge mishap. There goes years of life-changing research.
Things that 50 Cent and Tres Shannon of Voodoo Doughnuts Have in Common: They both have a dog named Oprah.
Ain't No Thang: In case you missed it, that armed guy who shut down PSU blocks for a couple hours while police searched for him is still on the loose. Don't worry, Portland police say it's safe!
Holy Equal Pay, Batgirl!