While some of you claim that our near-constant coverage of the coming devastating earthquake is too panicky—I THINK IT'S NOT PANICKY ENOUGH. Because now, not only do we have to worry about a quake destroying our city, that same earthquake could release thousands of HUMONGOUS ANGRY SPIDERS. At least that's what happened in Louisiana, according to the new Syfy movie Arachnoquake debuting on June 23, starring Tracey Gold, Someone Who Looks Like Jim Carrey, and fat Edward Furlong. Show those goddamn spiders how you do things in the bayou, boys!