The Actual Cannibal as a Young Man. Probably farting, according to his facial expression.
  • The Actual Cannibal as a Young Man. Probably farting, according to his facial expression.

Man, Shia LaBeouf has decided now is the time to just Go There. I mean this in the classic artistic sense - leaping forward, blindly, trying things for the sake of trying them, exposing yourself in a manner that can be described in a multitude of ways, but "brave" above all. Typically, on these sorts of artistic journeys, nobody knows where there is until we arrive, and even then, there's no guarantee it will be a transcendent, beautiful place. It might just be 15 tons of pretentious recycled meat, thudding to the floor with a sound not unlike a deck of cards being shuffled into a bowl of pudding.

Below is a Not Safe For Work video from Sigur Ros, a band whose music is so effortlessly beautiful it is probably best known on the internet for eliciting tears as the score to a Super Mario Bros. advertisement. In this video, Shia LaBeouf does a bunch stuff like driving a cab, having sex with a blond person, crying in a room full of dead butterflies, and generally Going There. I'm sure LaBeouf took this job hoping to make some sort of statement about his own artistic intent, his artistic integrity, non-traditional storytelling, and the power of pure expression. And all that is well and good. But you're going to click play because you can see Shia LaBeouf's dick in it. Because, yo: LaBeouf dick.