The cast of Real World: San Francisco, probably the best season of this now-reprehensible trainwreck of reality programming.
  • The cast of Real World: San Francisco, probably the best season of this now-reprehensible trainwreck of reality programming.

I will admit freely, as I'm certain it's not a unique admission amongst many people reading, or even writing for this publication: I once harbored dreams of being on The Real World. Once upon a time, such dreams were lofty-ish. Even literary wunderkind Dave Eggers tried his damndest to appear on the show; unironically, too. He sincerely wanted to live in a house with seven strangers, and have his life taped, to discover what happens when people stop being polite, and start being real. If the guy who wrote A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius was willing to argue over peanut butter, and engage in facile racial debates with a redneck roommate before getting drunk and having a three-way in a hot tub, why couldn't I share that dream?

According to Portlandian gadfly Byron Beck, The 28th (!) season of The Real World will be taping as soon as this July here in Portland. So far there's no further confirmation from any other sources, but should the report prove true, questions immediately arise:

1) Where will this racially/sexually diverse group of 18-22 year-olds live? Will they stick these kids in a loft in the Pearl? Will one of the many empty high-rises on the waterfront finally be filled with tenants? Or will they take over a charming, quirky rowhouse on NW 23rd?

2) Where will they work? I'm not sure if this gimmick is still a part of the show (I stopped watching after the legendary Key West season, with Johnny Bananas and Paula Walnuts) but I have a few options that, were I producing the show, I think I'd have pursued by now: Food Cart, Community Cycling Center, Voodoo Donuts, Powell's, Helium Comedy Club.

Of course, were this the year producers finally decided to accentuate the "real" part of their show's title, they'd have to run an apartment complex on 162nd and SE Stark all by themselves. That'd be their house and their job, and then they wouldn't have to worry about the constant protesting young Portland radicals would undertake every moment a castmember was spotted outside, camera trailing behind them. Because not even Occupy Portland gives a shit about anything that happens past 82nd Ave.

And now, a Poll!