What's the date again? July 2nd? OHHHH, then this I, Anonymous submission is right on time.

Hey, brainstem. I don't know why you're even awake at 3:40 in the morning lighting off firecrackers, I'm guessing either you're some punk brat on summer break, or some piece of human excrement on meth. Maybe both. Regardless, it takes a special kind of sociopathic asshole to light off a string of firecrackers in the middle of a residential neighborhood in the wee hours of Monday morning when most people have to go to work.

I expect a lot more of these in the next few days—so why not jump on the band wagon? If you have a fireworks complaint—or a clever idea on how to vex these early firework shooters—drop it off in the I, Anonymous Blog... where you always get more bang for your buck!