RIP, Amazonfemme

Comments

1
I'm going to leave this comment thread open until Monday, and I'll be moderating pretty aggressively, including deleting any comments in which her full name is posted, because I don't know how she'd feel about her family and non-Blogtown friends finding her comments here.
2
This is so sad. There was a great quote in a documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge. Paraphrasing, it was something like 'When I jumped I knew all of my problems could be solved. Except that I'd just jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.'

I wish more people realized that sooner. I lost a good friend to suicide years ago and best wishes to the survivors. It's really hard and I'm starting to think it will always be hard.
3
I'm very sorry to hear that. Though I never met the person beyond the comment section, I have always found amazonfemme to be insightful and charming. My thoughts and prayers will be with her family and friends.
4
I never met her but she was a lively member of Blogtown. I'm just anonymously commenting here, but I do extend my deepest sympathies to her family and friends. This is just sad, I'm so sorry.
5
I had the extreme pleasure of meeting her at a Blogtown meet up. I can only say that she will be missed and offer my deepest condolences to her close friends and family.
6
I was happy to know AF and I'm still trying to sort out my feelings about her passing.

Despite her preference (and talent) for edginess, in person it was instantly clear that some large amount of that was merely her preferred posture, and that with friends, she was always warm and crassly funny.

I saw in her a shared trait - she couldn't seem to bear the thought of other people disappointed, so she was compelled to go the extra mile: she'd spend a couple hours baking something ridiculously complicated/tasty for a Purple Rain watch party, or she'd be the person you could count on to come to any party she was invited to.

When she had a housewarming party, she cooked all day and invited all the neighbors personally by going door to door. This is more impressive if you know what AF looked like - tall, with prominent and large tattoos. It still makes me smile thinking about what her square neighbors must have thought when they saw this woman on their doorstep warmly introducing herself and inviting them over. To her credit, it seemed like half the street dropped in on a party that must have seemed for all the world like it would involve characters they were not at all comfortable with in their every day life (I know I wouldn't have shown).

Beneath a somewhat hard/crass exterior, she was a sweet, smart, funny person who cared about everyone she knew and seemed to treat everyone with equal consideration and grace.

I can't stop wondering if it would have happened the same way if all the people she met had reflected just 10% of the love back to her that she was so eager to radiate.

I withhold that 10% from good people all the time, for a lot of lazy or selfish reasons, and I feel pretty shitty about it right now.
7
I never know what to say about terrible news like this. I really liked her, thought she was doing exciting things in the world, and wish I had told her both more often.
8
Emily was much loved in our internet clique - which became a real-life friend group - and will be very missed.

Even though we're assholes on the internet all day, we're caring assholes, and it's extremely sad to lose a member of our team. Condolences to her family.

GAVELGAVELGAVEL RIP AF
9
When I got the message "Emily killed herself", I honestly racked my brain for somebody else I knew with that same first name, somebody... weaker? Sadder? Because it was positively un-thinkable that such a tough, beautiful, smart, funny, charming, endearing person could be gone by their own hand.

I spent the day wondering if there was anything I could have done, anything anybody could have done. And I guess you never really know, right? Maybe nobody gets that. You just have to keep doing the right thing by people every day. I guess that's all anybody can do. Still very sad. I'll miss you Emily and I know many many others will too.
10
A year ago Emily discovered my field from some of my posts and she began asking me questions. We had some great email exchanges, I consulted her on health/fitness, she talked about how she'd progressed to a happier, healthier place. I loved her might and her openness. I deal with a shit-load of people and even over email her spirit stood out to me. It was electric, even. Our talks were memorable. I checked up on her progress some time after we started chatting. She even asked me to take part in her "kissing a bunch of people" photo project and I was pretty flattered. Even though we never met in person, I'm rather stunned. I'm sad we never got to meet, sad for all you guys who knew her well and sad for how she must've been suffering inside.
11
I keep thinking about how beautiful she was, her perfectly arched eyebrows, her gleaming white teeth, her amazing ass. I am still finding it really hard to believe she wont just show up at the next party, and I wont get hear some brilliant one liners from her expertly painted lips. When I hung out with her, I felt powerful, her commanding presence cutting a swath through any clusterfuck. She was out for justice. She survived some hard living, and she had so many stories to tell. Im so sad to not get to hear more. Im so sorry she felt so lost, I never saw that in her. In fact, she gave strength and support to me. I wish to god that she was still here, I wish that she had found the point where her life felt good. Because life felt better to me, with her around. EM! Damn girl. I love ya. I'll miss you for the rest of my life. I hope you find more peace, I'll be looking for your ghost.
12
Oh hey also. Memorial for @amazonfemme tonight. Madison's, loft, 7pm. Come by and clench your fist while muttering WTF with me. Bring pics, memories, what have you.
13
Can you please show us her avatar again?
14
I must say i dont know many of you well. but reading your loving words and memories of such an aesome women and love of my life warms me like you could not imagine