There's a lot going on in this I, Anonymous Blog submission.
I cringed when you got on my bus on Hawthorne, because you're the worst thing in Portland after getting rape-blown by a crackhead. White leather cowboy boots, skinny black jeans and a wife beater, douchey bead necklace, and a wispy mustache only a high school freshman could be proud of. You and your over-pierced, wannabe Lidya Deetz girlfriend sat down and you immediately went into a giant, clearly bullshit story about how you and a friend were ripped off in a $5000 drug deal, where you got maced but still managed to fight the thief while going up a hill and then kicked his ass while still blinded by mace, using "fuckin" every other word.
As commenter Todd said, "Maybe it's time to get an iPhone." But then we'd never hear the end of douchey, over-pierced, wispy moustache guy's story! Check the rest out here, and be sure to drop off your own confession or rant in the I, Anonymous Blog—which hasn't been "rape-blown by a crackhead" in nearly a week. (Thank god.)