I'm not going to Comic-Con this year—I've gone three or four times in the past five years, and generally get a kick out of it, but jesus: The ever-growing scale of the thing has basically made it a futile exercise in patience, endurance, and diseconomy, so I'm kind of looking forward to not being there. HOWEVER. That doesn't mean I don't want a bunch of crap that'll be there! So hey! Nerds! Get this stuff for me! Then bring it back to me!
1. PACIFIC RIM POSTER
This is a Guillermo Del Toro movie about giant robots. Okay!
2. THE HOBBIT POSTER
Granted, it looks like an ad for Claritin. But still: Okay!
3. SCOTT PILGRIM: EVIL EDITION
Technically I guess could walk over to Oni Press on MLK and pull their fire alarm and when they were all distracted steal one, but that is all the way across the river and you're going to be at Comic-Con anyway and why are you making this so difficult
4. A SCREENING OF JOHN HILCOAT'S LAWLESS
Things don't even need to be slightly genre-related to get aggressively marketed at Comic-Con these days, thus explaining why the new film from badass director John Hilcoat (The Proposition, The Road) is screening there. I am not sure how you can bring me back a screening. You're clever, you'll think of something.
5. JAR JAR IN CARBONITE
7. THIS EMI LENOX PRINT
There are only 10 of them in existence, apparently, and even though she lives right here in Portland she's making them Comic-Con exclusives—and thus, my happiness relies on your ability to somehow be one of the 10 people on Planet Earth who gets one. DON'T FUCK THIS UP.
8. A HUMAN DIVISION BUTTON
Sci-fi author John Scalzi—whose most recent book, Redshirts, I quite liked—has a new book coming out, The Human Division; he says there'll be some "buttons and stuff" related to it at the Tor Books booth. Neat! Buttons!
Ha ha, jk! No, you can keep this one for yourself. The petri dish that is 100,000+ nerds crammed into a single, too-small convention center means the one Comic-Con exclusive everybody goes home with is bacteria! Bacteria which probably originated from the loins of a furry. So I guess what I'm saying is please sterilize all the stuff you're bringing back for me, and also maybe don't hang out with any furries? TRUST ME ON THIS. (But as that Geordi LaForge loved to say, "You don't have to take my word for it!" He may or may not have been talking about furries.)