Because it's Ironic Saturday, Willard Romney—who clearly has never, ever, never willfully said something incorrect or exaggerated for political gain—is calling Barack Obama's (document-based) Bain Capital attacks a bunch of lies and demanding an apology.

The president responds
by releasing a new campaign ad that shows Willard singing the song "America the Beautiful" while also accounting for all the jobs Bain Capital outsourced while Willard was the not-so-secret secret CEO.

A suicide bomber
blew himself up during an Afghan wedding reception, killing nearly two dozen people, including a prominent lawmaker.

Dead pedophile-enabler Joe Paterno, before he retired, squeezed millions in secret severance payments from Penn State just as the Jerry Sandusky scandal was about to explode.

Lawyers for Texas
may have a hard time proving that a draconian new voter ID law isn't just another camouflaged attempt to keep minorities, poors, and Democrats from exercising their democratic rights.

Eighteen months of political unrest in Egypt has allowed Islamist militants to set up camp in the country's vast Sinai Desert, unnerving the living shit out of Israel.

So there's a hurricane named Fabio.

The only abortion clinic in Mississippi is still open, after a judge gave it more time to comply with a strict new law that's likely to shut it down.

A Chinese teenager
is in the hospital after two grownups thought it would be funny if they stuck an air pump in his mouth and tried to inflate him, kind of like in that one Tom and Jerry short when they find the lost duckling.

"Doc Johnson is the Procter & Gamble of sex toys. Each month the company pours 125 tons of rubber, manufacturing 330,000 dildos, vibrators, and synthetic buttocks."