GUYS. Our good friend, and one of this city's greatest comedians Ian Karmel is writing another sure-to-be hilarious piece for the Mercury, quite possibly titled, "PORTLAND AS FUCK." In this feature, Ian will actually do (and report back on) all those things that Portland is supposed to be famous for... just for example:

Stand in line two hours on a Saturday morning for a Voodoo doughnut
Ride a tall bike in a Cat in the Hat hat
Make latte art as a barista
Enter a mustache contest or another similarly whimsical event
Sit in the Timbers Army section and becoming simultaneously deaf and depressed
Try to get his friends to come to his DJ night
Make/sell art for Last Thursday
Create and wear a week's wardrobe entirely out of clothes from The Bins

OMG, the list goes on and on... and it will! BY YOU IN THE COMMENTS BELOW! Drop in some more suggestions, and though we can't guarantee Ian will have the time or inclination to do all of your "Portland as Fuck" ideas, they will be submitted to his master list and may end up in his upcoming Mercury feature story!

WELL? Go on! Toss in your suggestions for things that are "PORTLAND AS FUCK." (Because you know better than anybody else.)