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CHEAP SWEETS—While your fave sweet shop Pix Patisserie may be closing down their SE Division and N Williams locations (the spankin' new shop will be on 2225 E Burnside), they're shutting down the old spots with a bang! Tonight enjoy cheap drinks, dancing, and yummy Pix treats that will get cheaper as the night progresses and eventually? Free! WSH
Pix Patisserie, 3402 SE Division, 3901 N Williams, 8 pm, FREE, specials all night

FUNNIES—Political cartoonist and writer Tim Kreider blew up the internet a few weeks ago with a New York Times piece called "The 'Busy' Trap," but his most controversial piece ever was a campaign in defense of Pluto's planethood. Tonight the black-minded humorist overcomes his existential dread for long enough to read from We Learn Nothing: Essays and Cartoons. AH
Powell's Books on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne, 7:30 pm, FREE