Newspapers try to convince advertisers that their competitors are evil scum trying to steal their money. It's what we all do. For example, here's an ad sheet that the WW is passing around to advertisers in an attempt to woo their business. (Since some of it... ummm... isn't exactly "true," I penciled in my defense regarding each point they make.)

Every business exaggerates occasionally to make a buck and look prettier—not a huge deal. HOWEVER! What I want to know is why the WW is so disappointed in you, the average Mercury reader? They obviously think you're not making enough money—and until you do? They don't want you reading their paper, because it throws their numbers off and scares fancy advertisers away! (The same goes for "sex." They don't like readers that like "sex.") Well, I just want you to know, I don't give a poop how much money you make or how much sex you have. The Mercury happily embraces ALL readers—even you, sexless hobo!

THANKS FOR READING THE MERCURY, READERS!