With the possible exception of Erik Henriksen, all film critics should be FIRED after being on the job for two years. (In Erik's case, one year.) WHY? Because watching movies day in and day out turns even the most gushing cinema lover into a cold, cynical b-hole who can never enjoy or be moved by anything ever again.
That's why I'm seriously considering firing ALL of Portland's film critics, and replacing them with two bawling kids sitting in the backseat of a car. Because THESE kids know how to fucking experience a film. Check out their inconsolable (and therefore absolutely hilarious) review of The Odd Life of Timothy Green. If you ever care about anything as much as these kids care about this film, I might hire you, too.
Ha Ha HAAAAAA! That's right, you blubbering baby critics! CRYYYYYYYY!!!