You know my feelings about robots: they're just fattening us up on delicious noodles so they can murder us and absorb the precious sugars in our bodies to recharge their batteries. From time to time, I am able suppress my fears and listen to Pandora because it was really good and really free.

But something has gone wrong in Pandora's music circuits. While much of the music selected for me is pretty good, every 8th song or so I have to slam my mouse on the thumbs down button and yell "You don't know my life, Robot DJ! You don't know!"

For one thing, I don't like reggae. Ever. Not from booths at the Saturday Market, not from apartment windows that smell like incense, and DEFINITELY not from my Jay-Z Radio station on Pandora.

I do like the Beatles, but the MP3 Jockey has worked them into every station I've ever created. Indie Pop? A bit of a stretch, but not the end of the world. Gangsta Rap? No, don't. Instrumental Jazz? That's it, I'm going to have to dismantle you and sell you for scrap.

But the worst offense is Pandora's insistence on playing different versions of the same song. No, I don't want a remix, Song Robot! I thumbs-upped that song precisely because it wasn't techno. That was the point. No, you don't get credit for playing the radio-edit of a song I like. That's worse. And you DEFINITELY need to stop playing my favorite songs as covered by the cast of Glee. It's like a karaoke bar climbed inside my phone and I want to murder my own head.

Come on, Pandobot. I thought there was some kind of elaborate musical-gene-sequencing project you were working on! Now I find you're just taking a song I like and playing another song by the same title? That's some lazy taste-matching! That's like Netflix recommending a porn parodies of movies I gave 4 stars to.

For now I'm swearing off robot playlist selectors and sticking with YouTube, where playlists are put together by children—like they should be.