So I was out drinking last night—I know, I know—over on Mississippi and Skidmore, and came back to my car around midnight to discover... THIS.

GodDAMN it.

Oh well, you live in the city, you take your chances, right? However, the smash and grab thieves responsible for this did take one thing of irreplaceable value: My Hot Tub Time Machine backpack. Luckily, the only thing inside the backpack was a script for a play I'm currently working on—come see The Lost Boys… starting in October!!!—and a water bottle that, for once, was only filled with water. (I know, I know.)

But that black, JanSport promotional Hot Tub Time Machine backpack—given to me in exchange for a favorable movie review that I didn't even write—is a piece of beloved cinematic history, and the only backpack I currently own.

IF YOU SEE IT, PLEASE CONTACT ME HERE, OR DROP IT OFF IN THE LOBBY OF THE MERCURY AND RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN. I WILL NOT PURSUE YOU, AND NO QUESTIONS WILL BE ASKED. And okay, fine, I'll give you a $20 reward. Even though it's costing me $200 to fix my window, jerk.

That being said, my car actually looks cooler without a window, and really, I just want my backpack back. Thank you.