Turkey Trash: Try to keep some of the leftovers, eh? We throw away five million pounds of food waste during Thanksgiving.
NO FUN REPORT: Parades are Wasteful. Environmentalists note that the country is reaching the end of its helium reserve, so maybe we should stop wasting it on giant parade balloons.
Meanwhile, Where it's Not Thanksgiving: Israel and Hamas have a ceasefire. Hold your breath, it might fall apart.
Syrian Government Bombs Near a Hospital: Dozens are killed in Aleppo as planes bomb civilian spaces.
In the Twinkie Mines: Hostess workers say they would rather lose their jobs than suffer more pay cuts.
Jail Bail Out: The staff and inmates at Rikers Island prison in New York have been suspended for refusing to wear an RFID tracker, as required by her school.
Wait a Second Here... the military gives out medals for party-hosting?
Facebook Continues its World Domination: The Facemaster is changing its policies to end the right to vote on proposed changes to its system.
Wondering What to Get Your Kid on Black Friday? They'll be thankful for a fantastic cardboard box.