GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! He never ran a corny line once to me yet, so I give him stuff that he'll never forget. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

In an effort to "cut costs," the former chief executive of Citigroup bank is kicked to the curb... oh, along with 11,000 jobs.

On the upside, Starbucks is opening up 1,500 new locations in the next five years... so maybe those people can work there?

The White House will ask for $50 billion from Congress for Hurricane Sandy relief... at the same time they're trying to broker a deal to avoid the fiscal cliff. AWKWARD.

Democrats launch a new website accusing Republicans of taking the middle-class "hostage." I think this looks like a job for Jack Bauer.

Former President George W. Bush sticks his head out of his self-imposed hidey-hole to say some nice things about immigration reform. Ohhhhh-kaaaaaay.

A freelance photog takes pics of a man about to be struck by an NYC subway train, leading to the obvious question, "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TAKING PICTURES AND NOT TRYING TO HELP?"

Here's that photog's bullshit excuse on why he didn't help.

A deadly typhoon kills hundreds in the Philippines.

Think American politics is fucked up? In China it's been discovered that an aide covered up the death of the president's son in a failed effort to help him get reelected.

Is there a street war brewing between homeless kids and food cart vendors? Well, cart gas lines have been cut and brass knuckles and batons are involved, so there's that.

The kinda creepy California elephant company "Have Trunk Will Travel" says they have "no intention" of taking the newest baby elephant from the Oregon Zoo. So now we can all go back to the narrative of "Zoos are great, and the tigers pacing endlessly around their cages are happy."

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Sunbreaks with chances of showers from here until next Tuesday, with highs in the upper 40s.

And finally, let's celebrate this HILARIOUS rendition of the "12 Days of Christmas" with ChloË Sevigny (aka fabulous drag queen Drew Droege)!