A Newcomer's Guide to Portland in the Winter!


EEEEEEEEEEEEE aw man it stopped.
Wouldn't a REAL Portlander be facing the snow on their bike? At least until it sticks, which it won't.
Anything with wheels is to be abandoned in the center of the street. Anything.
Score some sporty cleated shoes at the thrift store for icein'.
Stop moving here. Problem solved. Anyone who has been here more than 2 years is not surprised by any of this. Unless they moved here from the shitty midwest or Montana. In which case I assume they will be fine
The only thing missing tho is IF it starts accumulating - the fine layer of ice that is under the top layer - and people who have SUV's or 4 Wheel drive from places like the midwest or california - all think that since they have an all terrain vehicle - they can go 60 miles per hour at least until they hit the ice OR that They can make it down the hill without crashing like the other 20 cars before them.....then one of the inside people will be filming said pin ball machine made of cars plus hill and post it on the web and send it to news media where you can hear them laughing in the background saying oops - here comes another one - must be from out of state....LOL
it snowed? I couldn't tell.
Commmmmmmme back small flakes of slushy snow. Commmmmmeeee bbaaaaaacccckk.
You forgot the part about:
"First, forget that you just moved here from Minneapolis where it snows all the fucking time. Pretend you have never seen the stuff."

After that you did pretty good.
Isn't there readily available snow just a few miles east? Just saying..
For those who laugh at those from the Northwest who take the day off when it snows. I say, it is our culture, get over it. We love to play!

Now if we could find a way to stay home on 75deg days....

You forgot to mention that if you're at home when it starts snowing, surely enough the local news crews (notably channel 8) will always point their cameras at some street in the west hills and watch cars careening down the hillside - from morning broadcast until night.
"You will make it halfway through that sentence before someone from Portland farts on you." hahahahahahaha
Ok, I grew up in Portland but am currently living in Texas. In the region I live (because Texas is fucking huge & and has an absurd variety of climates) we DO get down to freezing level, but rarely have the precipitation at the same time to make snow. So when we do, all the locals freak out with unrivalled wonderment...it's SO hard to not tell them it's just sleet because I've had too many Minnesotans shit on my parade when I lived in Portland...I just can't do that to innocent people.
People in Portland are weepy vaginas when it comes to snowfall.
I don't like arguing on the internet or anything, but for every person that posts about snow, my feed has 2 or 3 people complaining that people are posting about snow. To be fair I am friends with a lot of joyless pricks.