I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back when the book is finished. —Dan
Originally published October 11, 2007:
I'm a 21-year-old female, and I've been going out with my boyfriend for four years. He wants me to masturbate for him, but I don't feel comfortable doing it. I love my boyfriend, but I cannot find a way to do this. I would like to do it. I just can't bring myself to let him watch.
Wishing And Needing To Satisfy
My response after the jump...
So don't let him watch, WANTS—not at first.
Here's what you do: Get your ass into a nice, cozy sex-toy shop—or visit one online (babeland.com, goodvibrations.com, comeasyouare.com, familychristian.com)—and buy yourself a pair of nice, cozy blindfolds. Then go to a big, intimidating hardware store and buy a big, intimidating roll of duct tape. Then go to a bright, shiny Apple store and buy yourself a bright, shiny iPod. Then have your boyfriend sit in a chair next to the bed, put one of the blindfolds over his eyes, slap a piece of duct tape over his mouth, and put a pair of headphones—not earbuds, headphones—over his ears. Then get in bed, put the second blindfold on yourself, forget he's in the room, and masturbate.
No need to be self-conscious: You can't see him; he can't see you—or hear what you're doing or speak to you.
Once you're used to masturbating with your sensory-deprived boyfriend in the room, try it without wearing a blindfold yourself. Once you're comfortable with that, do away with the headphones and let him listen. Once you're comfortable with him listening, stop taping his mouth shut and let him mumble sweet somethings. Then ditch his blindfold and let him watch.
And, no, I'm not kidding—this will work, WANTS, trust me.