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This whole Valentine's Day thing is wild at heart and weird on top. The ball-and-chain and I have been going to comedy shows for the past few of these strangely expectation-laden holidays. We're going to the Kurt Braunohler show at Mississippi Studios (FREE!!! Check their website for tickets to the late show), but those hearts-and-farts plans were made way before this little goodie showed up in my inbox. Wild at Heart at the Hollywood Theatre! Champagne! Chocolates! Fuckin' like bunnies (in the privacy of your own home—keep it classy, guys)! This is an all-around slam-bang of a night with your schmoop*. David Lynch's fever dream of Sailor Ripley and Lula Pace Fortune will get you all ramped up on warped Wizard of Oz sexy thoughts, plus you can down a bottle of bubbly with the Hollywood's special date night package. It's cheap, fun, and the perfect opportunity to wear your favorite jacket... you know, the one that represents a symbol of your individuality and your belief in personal freedom!

Wild at Heart in 35mm
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Thurs Feb. 14, 8 pm
tix: $7 for show, $25 for date package (tix, bottle of champs, box o' chocolates)

* Disclaimer: The chances of a rollicking bedroom romp greatly decrease the more you look at Willem Dafoe's yuck mouth.