Surprise! The leaked personal papers of pedophile protector Benedict XVI reveal a Vatican filled with vicious old gossips and assholes.

Just like much of the modern Republican Party.

Afghanistan's ex-oilman president is begging the United States and NATO: Please stop dropping bombs and/or sending drones to places where children and other innocents live. The generals are winking and nodding and saying "sure."

Suicide blasts killed 81 people in Pakistan—part of a campaign of persecution against the country's minority Shiite population—and people are starting to think the Sunni-dominated government likes it.

New York is peculiar, because its governor wants legislation that eases access to abortion instead of further walling it off.

Because Congress might foul up its chance at bipartisanship over immigration reform, the White House has really is working up its own version of a comprehensive plan. Republicans already loathe what they think the bill includes: visas for undocumented immigrants already living and working and contributing to American society.

Facing outcry, Israel's prime minister had to drop his office's $2,700 annual contract with his favorite ice cream parlor. Because people are shits.

South Korea has abandoned its elderly, despite runaway economic growth. So its elderly are committing suicide, partly out of despondency and partly in protest.

Cleaners are cleaning, workers are working, divers are diving, and conspiracy theorists are conspiracy theorizing after last week's well-documented meteor blast in the skies above the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.

The people behind Makers Mark would like to take this opportunity to apologize for trying not to get you so drunk so fast.

TURN YOUR LAPTOP 90 DEGREES AND LISTEN TO THIS YOUNG MAN WHO ENJOYS MAKERS MARK QUITE A BIT!