Let me cut to the chase: I ejaculate in your food.
GAHHH!! Oh god, C'MON!! Really? Seriously? And what's even worse, he doesn't even tell us what restaurant he works for, so I'm gonna be thinking about slurping up this guy's clam chowder wherever I eat! (Let's just assume he works for Olive Garden.) Do you have something to get off your chest that DOES NOT involve ejaculating into my food? Drop it off (again, not your sperm) in the I, Anonymous Blog—where you never know what's gonna come squirting out at ya!