Sir and/or madam... cease judging our yard!
So you're offended by the mattress behind our fence, behind the bushes, in our backyard? ...and the trash behind the bushes in our front yard? ... and the overhanging branches by the sidewalk? Well, sir or mam, I am offended by you're inability to tell us to our faces!
Wait, wait, wait... I want to hear more about this "mattress" behind your fence. If it's an outdoor sex mattress, then I too am offended... AND AROUSED. Do you have a rant, confession, or outdoor sex mattress you'd like to share with the world? Send it to the I, Anonymous Blog—where we have an outdoor sex waterbed.