I was told by several people that my fiancee and I should create a mood board for our upcoming wedding. We should find inspiration for decorating our ceremony and our reception, they said. Try Pinterest, they said. You'll love it, they said.

They were wrong.

Pinterest is the social network that allows women to share recipes they haven't cooked and look at pictures of weddings they weren't invited to. The wedding posts share a common aesthetic (a sea of mason jars, chalk boards, and paper lanterns) and a general agreement that you are nothing unless you're married (mixed in with the photos of mason jars is advice on keeping your house cleaned, making your husband happy, and how you're a valuable human now that you're a Mrs instead of a miss).

I love my marital status more than my husband.
  • "I love my marital status more than my husband."

Most people seem to be planning weddings that aren't even scheduled yet. Comments and board titles are frequently of the "Someday <3" variety. A note to ladies: if you like pinning photos of weddings and you're not planning a wedding, you need to hide that shit like a porno collection. I speak for all men here (I asked, they said it was fine) when I say THAT IS SO CREEPY. You're not interested in a wedding that reflects a mutual style? Guys are just plug-and-play? "Someday my prince will come." Yeah, and when he meets you, hopefully he won't notice how long you've spent planning his future before you met him.

Even more interesting, I found several posts from women who were already married. "I know I'm married but I love these dresses so much." Title that board "Someday my prince will leave."

Similar to the pinning recipes, these fantasy brides seem overly optimistic about their own craftiness. "20 simple wedding ideas you can make from recycled soda cans, paint, a tree trunk, a table saw, Elmer's glue, a bolt of fabric, and a kiln." I hope the generic prince you're going to snag has some woodworking tools, because people who spend all day on the Internet do not make things.

Sure, in case I just have all this stuff lying around.
  • Sure, in case I just have all this stuff lying around.

Weddings are difficult enough. I don't want to have single women pressuring me to work harder on making my own modern/classic/retro centerpieces from things lying around my house. That isn't going to make me a whole person; the only thing that can is going from a Mr. to a Mr.