Another weekly round-up of government-controlled genital stories!
If you’re female and don’t want to be a parent any time soon, then you might not want to move to Georgia, Indiana, Virgina, Texas, West Virginia, Arkansas, Kansas, Alabama, or any state that fought in the civil war. Legislators in Arkansas banned abortion after 12 weeks of pregnancy. Kansas legislators blocked tax breaks for ALL abortion providers. Georgia has become one of six other states to outlaw “late-term abortion.” Four other states have tightened abortion restrictions in less than two months. If you’re one of twelve women that live in North Dakota, you cannot get an abortion if the doctor can hear a heartbeat. North Dakota said in response, “who’s the biggest dick in the union NOW? Suck on THAT, Indiana!”
Speaking of Indiana; in Lafayette, the only Planned Parenthood in Indiana that could give women RU-486, aka the abortion pill, can no longer legally give out abortions. If you’re a lady of the Lafayette area, it looks like you might have to revert back to the good ‘ol days of a coat hanger, back alley, and a hairy guy named “Blade” to do the job!
Representative Louie Gohmert of Texas, like many gay marriage opponents, recently made a correlation between gay marriage and polygamy and bestiality in a speech to his Tea Party followers. "When you say it’s not a man and a woman anymore, then why not have three men and one woman or four women and one man? Or why not, you know, somebody has a love for an animal...?" Meanwhile, in New Zealand, gay marriage has been legalized. Said local homosexual, polygamist, and sheep Grassy Chewswell in response, “But Gohmert, I just want to love so bah-ah-ah-ad."
- Vera Kratochvil
The granddaughter of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps has left the church, and has publicly supported Planting Peace, the organization in the rainbow-colored house across the street. Libby Phelps plans to work with Aaron Jackson, founder of Planting Peace. Though Libby Phelps hasn’t seen her parents in four years, she said in an article on Huff Post, “I want my cousins and nieces and nephews to see that the world isn’t mean and hateful and evil and full of vicious people." Well then don’t check out your grandpappy’s website, Libs! That’s one hateful anti-fag rag!
- Another day in Batshitcrazyville
In a move that’s just begun to fuck up the state of Wisconsin, Republican governor Scott Walker and the Wisconsin state legislature passed a bill back in 2011 to deny public funding for low-income and uninsured patients of Planned Parenthood, simply because they offer abortions. This bill has taken into effect; in the past couple weeks, four branches of Planned Parenthood have recently been forced to close, affecting an estimated 2,000 patients. If you would like to show Scott Walker why Planned Parenthood is important, feel free to send photos of your festering STD to:
Office of Governor Scott Walker
115 East Capitol
Madison, WI 53702
Or, if you’d rather describe your oozing pustules to him over the phone, please contact: