GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Your eyes tell me to pursue, but you say "look yeah, but don't touch, baby." LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Here's an unexpected development in the Boston Bombing case—they're having trouble finding a funeral director willing to bury Tamerian Tsarnaev's body.

The U.S. Senate is expected to pass an internet sales tax on everything you buy online—including Denis Theriault's Star Trek figurines?!? BLASPHEMY!!

A Minnesota terror plot is disrupted by the FBI who finds molotov cocktails, pipe bombs and more in a man's mobile home.

North Korean officials inform us that a U.S. citizen sentenced to 15 years in one of their labor camps is not a bargaining chip, because once again, they are KA-RAAAAZY!

Israel spent their weekend executing an airstrike against a military complex near Damascus, allegedly killing at least 42 Syrian soldiers.

A bachelorette party ends in tragedy when the bride-to-be and four of her friends are killed in a limo fire.

A soccer referee is killed by a 17-year-old who punched him after the ref gave him a yellow card.

Rush Limbaugh is threatening to leave his flagship radio station over accusations that he really fucked up with the whole Sandra Fluke thing. WHICH HE DID.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Sunny and 84 today—though cloudier and cooler for the rest of the work week.

And finally, do you despair for the "American Dream"? Then listen to the inspirational rap of this "Rapping Realtor!"