GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! And if you get hurt (if you get hurt), by the little things I say, I can put that smile back on your face. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
Clothing retailers H&M and Zara agree to finance fire and safety upgrades in the factories they use in Bangladesh. So don't worry, America! That $5 shirt doesn't have any human blood on it—though maybe still a few tears?
Meanwhile a 19-year-old seamstress who was trapped for 17 days underneath the rubble of that collapsed Bangladesh factory decides she's going to get out of the clothing manufacturing/trapped under rubble business. Good idea!
The brothers of the Cleveland kidnapper have disavowed their sibling, calling him "a monster" who should rot in jail for his crimes.
The IRS stands accused of applying special scrutiny to Tea Party groups and others who condemned the way this country is run. (Gulp. I may have said one or two harsh things myself.)
Meanwhile conservatives apply special scrutiny to Hillary Clinton—the current top choice in 2016. BUT THAT'S NOT THE SAME THIIIIIIIING!!
A top Democrat on the House Oversight panel says that the authors of the Benghazi report should be made to answer questions in public—rather than the private grilling favored by Republicans who never, ever, ever lie.
A Philadelphia jury is hung in the case of abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell who stands accused of delivering live babies during late term abortions and deliberately severing their spinal cords. (This is going to be problematic.)
In other awesome Monday morning news, a video has emerged of a Syrian rebel cutting the heart out of a soldier and then biting it. Is this because of the country's lack of english muffins?
In first quarter sales, the $70,000 Tesla electric car is beating the pants off Mercedes, BMW, and Audi. (Anybody got 70 grand lying around?)
In TV news, SNL's Seth Meyers is replacing Jimmy Fallon on Late Night (I don't care), and Barbara Walters announced she is retiring in 2014, because she's sick of all of Elizabeth Hasselbeck's shit. (Not really, but you know... really.)
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Let's cool it down, guys! Cloudy and mid-to-upper 60s for the rest of your work week.
And finally, to all those who are planning to vote "Yes on Fluoride," THIS VIDEO IS FOR YOU!!
CORRECT.
