Originally published May 24, 2007:

I'm an early-20s gay guy turned on by hypnosis. During my adolescent explorations of the internet, I found a site with stories about "mind control," usually involving the seduction of straight men. I was hooked. I'm not beating myself up for being a "bad person," because my desire to try this in real life is nil for reasons of its impossibility (true hypnosis is something different and I am effectively fantasizing about magic) and immorality (sex without consent is rape). For the latter reason especially, I'm rather uncomfortable with my "addiction" to this fantasy.

Apart from the fact that this suggests I may have some serious sexual-control issues, I was wondering if you had any ideas for weaning yourself from a fantasy. This is not something I'm interested in "accepting." My attempts at incorporating alternate fantasies into my repertoire have failed.

Stop Thinking About That

My response after the jump...

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Sexual-control issues? Sure, STAT, you've got some of those. But serious sexual-control issues? Hardly.

A desire to sexually control others, or be sexually controlled by others, is at the root of almost all sexual fantasies and fetishes, from foot fetishes to goop fetishes to BDSM. So there's no need to feel like a freak, okay? And you're clearly not a bad person, as you recognized on your own that your particular sexual-control fantasy is immoral (sex without consent is rape) and impossible (hypnosis doesn't work that way). So cut yourself some slack.

Reading your letter, some folks will blame the internet for your predicament. There you were, minding your own business, beating off in front of your computer, when a hypno-fetish site seized your screen and took over your sex life. That's not how it works. Running across that hypno porn didn't instill in you a desire to sexually control others, STAT; it tapped into a desire for sexual control that was already there. A desire to sexually control others was already part of your erotic imagination; that hypno site just lit your fuse.

The only way to wean yourself from your hypno fetish now, STAT, is to accept your bedrock fantasy, which is sexual control, and explore other ways of indulging it. I suspect the "alternate fantasies" you attempted to incorporate into your sex life didn't include aspects of sexual control, which would explain why your efforts failed. You won't move your fantasies away from hypno until you find something that satisfies those bedrock desires for sexual control. So find yourself a guy who wants to be controlled, which isn't that hard to do, and explore dom/sub role-play or bondage or S&M with him, and your hypno fetish may fade away.

Finally, STAT, there are lots of guys out there who fantasize about being hypnotized and seduced—it's too bad you've ruled them out as sex partners.