Originally published December 4, 2008:

My girlfriend and I have been on-and-off for almost two years. I took her back after she cheated on me. Now she wants a threesome. I am not down with sharing her, but I am willing to do it because otherwise some other girl will do it for her. I told her that I want to be stoned, because I don't think I can handle it sober. She got mad because she doesn't like drugs. Then what am I supposed to do?

Lesbian With One Real Dilemma

My response after the jump...

You're supposed to wake the fuck up already.

You can be in a monogamous relationship with someone, LWORD, or you can be in a relationship with this woman—but you can't be in a monogamous relationship with this woman. She's already proven herself to be inept at this monogamy stuff; she cheated on you, you took her back, and now she's pressing you to bring in the occasional third. You may not be down with sharing her, LWORD, but she seems intent on being shared.

Here's the question you should be asking yourself: Do you want this woman in your life badly enough to overcome your aversion to sharing? Agreeing to a three-way—so long as you're baked—doesn't count. A three-way involving a woman; her reluctant, resentful, self-medicating girlfriend; and an innocent bystander is unlikely to (1) be much fun for anyone involved (particularly your unlucky third) or (2) put an end to your girlfriend's desire for share time.

Your girlfriend is seeking to fold her desire to sleep with other women into the structure of your relationship: three-ways now, perhaps some degree of openness later. She gets points for being honest this time, but she loses points for being manipulative and controlling. (New pussy for her, no pot for you? Please.) And if this three-way is a disaster and you refuse to have others—which may be the outcome you're subconsciously hoping for—I predict that your girlfriend will just go back to cheating on you.

So returning to my original point: If you want a girlfriend you don't have to share, find another girlfriend. If you want this girlfriend, learn to share.

And invest in a vaporizer.