GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Now let me set it off in the right way. You got a bangin booty and a tight waist. I've been a fan since I met you in the lob-ay, and hopefully you'll end up over my place. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The Supreme Court ruled today that police may now take DNA samples from you after you've been arrested for a serious crime. THE MORE YOU KNOW.

New jersey Democratic Senator Frank Lautenberg has died after years of service fighting big tobacco and promoting such services as Amtrak.

A (locked) Chinese poultry factory bursts into flames killing at least 119 workers.

At least 300 seriously wounded people are trapped in the Syrian town of Qusair while fighting rages between rebels and government forces.

The U.S. is sending patriot missiles (remember them?) to Jordan for supposed "exercises" but probably to leave them there so the country can protect themselves against Syria.

The deadly MERS-CoV virus has spread to Italy, and officials are still at a loss to give the disease an easier-to-type name.

Politicians get NASTY in a claws-out Twitter fight over the IRS.

Headline of the day: "Baptists plan exodus from Boy Scouts." And don't let your homophobic wrinkly asses get hit by the door on the way out.

Speaking of the high price of homophobia, the NBA's Roy Hibbert was fined $75.000 for his explosive outburst which included an anti-gay slur.

Actress Jean Stapleton—most notably known as Edith Bunker on All in the Family—has died at the age of 90. :(

A U.S. Congressman investigates the Boston Marathon bombings... in Russia... with the help of Steven Seagal??? (!!!!!!!!!!!)

Actor Michael Douglas claims that oral sex caused his throat cancer... but is he right??

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cloudy mornings lead to sunny days with highs in the mid-70s to 80 for the foreseeable future. YESSSSSS.

And finally, how was your weekend? Not as awesome as this guy's.