COMEDY—Stand-up Anthony Jeselnik puts on a mean show. I'm not being figurative—it's literally some of the meanest, punchiest, most offensive comedy you're likely to see, and it's awesome! Maybe you're already a fan of his roast appearances or his new show The Jeselnik Offensive. I wouldn't sit too close to the stage, though. His wit cuts. CF
Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 7:30 & 10:30 pm, $25

MICHAEL JACKSON—Or, you know, the next best thing. The Michael Jackson HIStory II show is a loving re-creation of MJ's final tour featuring 20 songs all performed by "World #1 Impersonator" Kenny Wizz. (KENNY WIZZ!!) Expect lights, choreography, spectacle, and the closest you're going to get to the person your elders refer to as the "King of Pop." WSH
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 8 pm, $45.50-67, all ages