I was at a bar the other day, splitting a plate of mac and cheese with a girlfriend, because feelings taste better when consumed together. And this suitor approached us, slightly too passionate on the liqueur, and hugged my friend. When he embraced her, she just kept her arms at her side and looked down. Then he lifted his large grown-up man arms and stepped toward me.
"Stop," I said, putting my hands out like an elementary-school crosswalk monitor. "You are not allowed to hug me. I am asserting my physical and emotional boundary. You do not have my consent to touch me."
"Why do you have to be such a bitch about it? I like you."
I am so sick of "nice sweet guys" angrily screaming "WHY WON'T YOU FUCK ME!" My least favorite piece of misogyny this week is when men get mad at women for not being attracted to them.
Recently a guy asked me out several times. I tried to be polite and subtly, gently rebuff his advances, and his response was to pressure me and become increasingly aggressive in his attempts to get me to hang out with him. And weirdly, that did not make me fall in love with him! He tried to guilt me into dating him with phrases like, "I thought you were glad to have met me, it doesn't seem like it." Jeez, now I feel like a horrible person. Too bad I don't hate myself quite enough to sleep with you. The aggressive pressure made me feel guilty, ashamed, and scared, like a thing without agency, an inanimate possession to be obtained. And none of those things are things I want to feel. Mostly I just want to feel puppies' tummies. Too weird?
One time a guy asked me out several times and then got drunk and called me at 2 am and to ask me to come over; I expect not to play checkers. I said no and he called me a slut. When I asked him to stop contacting me he said, "I hope one day you like yourself enough to date someone who actually cares about you." And I said, "Yeah, then you really won't have a chance."
We, as women, are not obligated to date every guy that wants us. We're not damsels that society raised to exist solely as a reward for every swashbuckling, sword-obsessed prince dumb enough to fight a dragon. (Sorry if I confused you with my super awesome Rapunzel hair, but nope.) I hate the sense of entitlement that some (not all) straight men have. I hate when men are like "Women won't date me, they're bitches." Because I didn't realize that being a good person was dependent on whether or not we put out. But I guess that explains why Mother Theresa was such a player.
Women are not mean if we do not want to date someone. We do not owe anyone our bodies or our emotions. I'm not mean; I just might not like you. That has been my least favorite piece of misogyny this week; tune in next week to find out which popular Hollywood celebrity drank armpit juice to keep their supple figure.