GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! How would you like to fly? That's how my queen should ride. But you still deserve the crown or hasn't it been found? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The Taliban has set up a makeshift embassy in Qatar, scuttling peace talks with Afghanistan who is super pissed at them AND the US military.

The FBI has been found innocent in 150 shootings over the last two decades. (Hey, who does that remind you of?)

Iceland is in informal talks with NSA leaker Edward Snowden over a possible asylum deal. UGH! Iceland? Take your chances with America, Edward!

German Chancellor Merkel challenges President Obama on America's snoopy investigations on private citizens, and Obama's all like, "Well, those investigations stopped terrorist attacks on German soil, so boom! Comments closed!"

Obama calls on Russia to join him in slashing their nuclear weaponry, and they're like, "Well let us think about it for a secNO."

This just in: the body of Jimmy Hoffa is still missing! Stay tuned for more non-news about things that have not been found.

The Men's Wearhouse spokesman (the "I guarantee it!" guy) has been fired and nobody knows why. (The Mercury would totally hire him... if we could only find something we could "guarantee" other than mediocrity.)

Buzzfeed reporter Michael Hastings (whose reporting led to the retirement of Gen. Stanley McChrystal) has died in a car crash.

Yodeling country & western star Slim Whitman dies at the age of 90.

Katy Perry divulges that former hubby Russell Brand divorced her via text message. YOU MONSTER!!!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Showers this afternoon, a somewhat dry weekend, and rainy rain early next week!

And finally, walking internet meme "Double Rainbow Guy" returns and this time he's being overly enthusiastic about forest fires. (Will Oklahoma tornadoes be next?)