Readers of the Mercury's award-winning movie reviews (WHAT? MAYBE ONE DAY WE WILL WIN AN AWARD) might have noticed that we've made a few updates to our online reviews. Not only do we now have a revamped selection of film-specific showtimes following each film's review, but we also have a convenient preview for most of the films we cover, embedded directly below that movie's review. Multimedia! Neat! I urge you to check out these amazing and useful new features by reading a web-exclusive review by Elinor Jones that was just posted this afternoon. It's for R.I.P.D., and it begins thusly:

Because I am a total fucking idiot, I offered to write this R.I.P.D. review for the Mercury. So I carved two hours out of my weekend and paid money to see it. Spending a sunny Sunday afternoon alone at this movie was a low point of my 2013—a year spent growing out my bangs and getting a divorce.

So now, not only can you read Elinor's review telling you to never, ever see R.I.P.D. (her headline is "C.R.A.P.D.", just to make sure you really get the picture), but you can also find movie times for R.I.P.D. and watch a preview for R.I.P.D. as soon as you're done reading the review! It's all the R.I.P.D. you can handle! Pretty exciting, right?!

Shit. Maybe I should have picked a different movie to highlight the Mercury's slick new features. Like, a review of a movie people actually want to see, maybe. Oh well, too late now! (Said Ryan Reynolds' agent, giving up forever.)