A good friend of mine is moving into her mid-thirties without ever having had a serious relationship. She laments that she might die alone. I wish that I could help her out, but her dating behavior seems strange to me. If a guy likes her, she generally rejects him for being too passive, too nervous, not hot enough, or not successful enough. She seems to be attracted to socially-aggressive, type-A, super-athletic types. She is she is not like that herself. Where do I find a highly successful, gym-lurking, hot man who is interested in a quiet, nerdy, bookish woman? Alternatively, how can I convince her to open her heart a little more to the nice, good looking men of the world who might be a bit less smooth and a bit less together and may not have washboard abs?

Do Come Up With An Acronym?

My response after the jump...

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Here's what you tell your friend when the lamentations begin: "Settling down requires settling for, darling, and while assholes are forever, washboard abs aren't. So you might want to think twice before you dump the next nice, non-assholey, soft-bellied guy who comes into your life. Because they're all gonna have soft bellies in the end."

Then change the fucking subject.

What's up with your friend? A person with impossibly high and/or unrealistic standards—someone who dumps a string of guys who love her in favor of a guy who may not exist—is making a choice to be alone. If being alone makes her miserable, well, she's the author of her own misery then. It's possible, however, that she's one of those people who prefers to be alone, DCUWAA, but she would rather be viewed as having impossibly high and/or unrealistic standards than as single by choice. Some people are more comfortable being regarded as tragic objects of pity than as contentedly single adults. What can I say? It's weird, I know, but people are weird.

Whatever is going on with your friend, it's not your problem. Finding her a man that meets her specific criteria, listening to her lament her chances of dying alone—unless you're her shrink, DCUWAA, those are volunteer positions.

Stop volunteering.