I'm on vacation this week but the "Savage Love Letter of the Day"—a.k.a. "SLLOTD"—must go on! Subbing for me this week...
Chris Savage is an industrial chemist by day and Michigan's most widely read progressive political blogger the rest of the time. His work covering Michigan's take over by corporatist Republicans has been featured on MSNBC, The Nation magazine, the New York Times Magazine and beyond. Rachel Maddow calls Chris's blog Eclectablog "The indispensable Michigan politics source—the essential Michigan blog". And get this: His last name is "Savage." That makes Chris the natural and obvious choice to take over the "SLLOTD" in my absence. In addition to his writing, Chris is a local organizer for the Michigan Democratic Party where work is already underway to return control of the state government to Democrats in 2014. He also coordinates a community garden that provides (literally) tons of fresh produce to a local food bank. Chris is married to photographer Anne C. Savage. They live on their suburban homestead just outside of Ann Arbor with their cat and pit bull where they tend a large organic garden. You can follow Chris on Twitter (@Eclectablog) and his Facebook page.
Chris will be answering your questions all week. This is his first crack at sex-and-relationship advice so… be gentle with him in the comments, okay? –Dan
I am a twenty-one-year old straight male. I am in love but also miserable. My girlfriend is impatient, has a bad temper, is extremely needy, and jealous. She is rude to my seven year-old brother and gets mad when I spend time with him. She won't allow me to spend time at home, with my family, or with other friends. I would like to be able to go to the gym before work, but I can't because I have to spend all of my free time with her. She says that I cannot hang out with my coworkers. Sometimes, she hits me when she's angry. She is overly critical with everything I do. I drive her everywhere she wants to go but she even criticizes my driving. She reads all my texts but when I ask to read hers she won't let me. When my mom or sister calls me she listens to the conversations so I have to go into the bathroom and lock the door to talk to them in private. The problem is, I love her so I don't know what to do. She says she can't live without me and I'm worried that if I break up with her, she'll do something drastic. What can I do? Please help!
My response after the jump...
MM, let's take a look at a few of the descriptors you used for this hideous person you say you're in love with: impatient, bad temper, needy, jealous, rude, angry, overly critical. Based on your description, I'd throw in manipulative and controlling, too. Where are all the positive words people in love normally use? In other words, WHY do you love her? Because the person you have described is decidedly unlovable.
Here in Michigan, the right wingers that have taken over our state have demonized our teachers and made "union member" into a slanderous phrase. They've worked overtime to take away women's reproductive rights and raised taxes on the poor and the elderly. They've been complete assholes to everyone but their business pals. But, every now and then, they do something nice and give a little bit back. When they do, people fall all over themselves to thank them and help them. Then these assholes turn around and do the same stuff all over again.
That's the position you are in. You have a choice to make: continue to be treated like a doormat by this abusive woman or recognize that you're being abused, regain your self-esteem, and kick her to the curb. You'll find out that she'll live just fine without having you to dominate and wipe her feet on.
You're fortunate: you can do this NOW. In Michigan we have to wait until Election Day 2014.