Alight upon the Mediterranean sea like some kind of lordly ocean god, some kind of whimsical sea sprite, some kind of immensely powerful merman, or some kind of—dare we say it? we do—savior, behold Leonardo DiCaprio, who is not bound by our pathetic physical laws. Leonardo DiCaprio does as he pleases, and he pleases to fly above the mighty sea; turn your eyes to the heavens and witness him above, gazing down at us with benevolence and an unholy power. Look upon him and love and despair. Leonardo DiCaprio has transcended; Leondardo DiCaprio has ascended. Leonardo DiCaprio knows the secrets of the cosmos; Leonardo DiCaprio also knows your secrets. Do not anger him, lest he unleash his rage; do not mock him, lest he remember his fury and return to our small, broken world to wreak his terrible vengeance. Leonardo DiCaprio shall be beheld—by you, by me, by all of us who are not Leonardo DiCaprio. Fly, you gorgeous bird; swim, you admirable fish. Leonardo DiCaprio, do as you will.