GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Can't keep running, boy, in and out my life. Wanna be your girl, not 'cause the mood is right. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
In case you missed the news over the weekend, James DiMaggio, the man suspected of kidnapping 16-year-old Hannah Anderson and murdering her mom and 8-year-old brother was killed in a gunfight with the FBI in Idaho, where the pair was spotted by horseback riders. Hannah is safe and has been reunited with her mourning father. And THAT is the definition of bittersweet.
A federal judge puts the kibosh on New York City's "stop and frisk" crime fighting policy because (duh) it unfairly targeted minorities. Get your touchy-feelies elsewhere, Mr. Police Man!
Attorney General Eric Holder is expected to announce today that the feds will no longer require a mandatory minimum sentence for "certain low-level, nonviolent drug offenders." Yay! That means I may not have to share a jail cell!
How does Veep Joe Biden hint he's running for prez in 2016? STEAK FRY!
Egyptian police have decided to temporarily postpone beating the crap out of supporters of ousted president Morsi. Ahhhh... another day without a black eye or broken arm is a good day.
AOL boss-man Tim Armstrong fires an employee during a conference call for trying to take his picture. In his defense, Armstrong was masturbating.
Sinkholes threaten houses near Walt Disney World in Florida. I guess it isn't a small hole after all HAHAHA DO YOU GET IT???
Want to see a pic of some very pissed off-looking local cops? Okay then... HERE YA GO.
Want to see pics of a naked Justin Bieber serenading his grandmother on guitar? Okay then... HERE YA GO.
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Lots of sun, touch of clouds, low to mid-80s... you know the drill!
And finally, this person is a composite of EVERY GODDAMN PERSON IN MY LIFE. You'll see why.