GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Listen baby, turn the lights down low, let's take it nice n slow. My mission is to keep you mine. Don't want this to be the last time. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

October 17! Mark that date on the calendar, because according to the Treasury, that's the day America runs out of money. My advice? Let's pay our rent first and eat ramen for a month.

Fucking idiot (and potential presidential candidate) Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has been filibustering for nearly 24 hours in a useless, and annoying bid to stop Obamacare. Even some of his fellow Republicans agree: HE'S A FUCKING IDIOT. (Hope he runs for president!)

Oh, and if you'd shut your stupid fucking mouth for a second to listen, fucking idiot Senator Ted Cruz, you'd learn that Obamacare premium rates are actually LOWER than expected. Okay, you may now continue to make a fucking idiot out of yourself.

In an interview, Iran's new president Hassan Rouhani sought to distance himself from his predecessor by saying, "Yes! The Holocaust did happen!" (So I guess we're supposed to be thankful for "baby steps"?)

Following that lengthy four-day attack on a Kenya mall, US agents have begun sifting through the rubble in search of clues about the attackers. (Insert Forever 21 joke here.)

The price of postage stamps is rising, which means the cost of mailing a letter will cost you 49 cents starting in January. Frankly, I don't remember how to mail a letter.

A 7.7 magnitude quake strikes a remote area of Pakistan killing at least 330 people.

A high school football coach kicks every single player off his team after many were caught cyber-bullying another student. (Maybe a lack of concussions will make them better people.)

In far worse news, a Tennessee parent (naturally) is complaining about a teacher who is promoting "Islamic tolerance." (Naturally.)

A new study finds that 15 percent of adults do not use the internet. Awesome! Now we can make fun of them all we want! (Actually, I envy them so much.)

In another study, Saudi Arabia is number one! (Yayyy!) In limiting women's economic potential. (BOOOOOO!!!)

Miley Cyrus celebrates her Rolling Stone cover by getting the words "Rolling Stone" tattooed on her feet. You're a little late to that particular party, Miley!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: The sun peeks its head out today through Friday, but rain returns for the weekend.

And finally, people who read Blogtown regularly probably already know this... but if you're new to our site, be sure to watch Mr. Forthright's advice on "How to Pretend to Work"... while at work!