Grab a cup of coffee or an adult beverage, Dan, this is going to be a long one.

I live in a poly household with my girlfriend and her husband who is not my boyfriend. But he is the one who asked me to move in, so he is obviously fine with the situation. I'm 52 and my girlfriend is 30. If it matters she asked me if I wanted to start dating. I was floored but had the presence of mind to say YES. Did I mention she's hot as hell? Anyway...

We've been together for about a year now. She has some mental health issues that she has been very up front about. She was sex trafficked in college by her boyfriend and went straight from that into a very abusive (previous) marriage. She also suffered from childhood abuse. Consequently she has PTSD and DID, among other issues. That doesn't scare me. Knowing is half the battle. And I'm actuality kind of flattered that some of her alters feel comfortable enough around me to come out and introduce themselves.

We started off like most new couples, all over each other. I know that doesn't last, the new wears off, but we haven't had sex in 6 months. I've tried to be patient. I've tried talking. I've tried leaving her alone and giving her space. I've tried romance. I finally sat her down and asked if she still wants to be my girlfriend or just roommates. She insists that she does want to be my girlfriend and that I'm pressuring her. We have had three talks about this in six months. The last one got rather heated because frankly I'm hurt and pissed. We are open poly. I have a couple I see on a regular basis. She has another boyfriend. That's fine. But instead of spending time with me, Dan, she is activity seeking out new sex partners. She tells me as long as they are guys I shouldn't be jealous. I'm the only girl she sees.

The last straw for me: I set up a whole day for the two of us next weekend. Just us. (My girlfriend and her husband have a child so we frequently do family outings.) Now she tells me we have to cut that day short so she can go out with her husband that evening. And I'm babysitting.

Dan this is my first real girlfriend. I'm twice divorced with grown kids and grandkids. While I have been with women before I've never been in love with a woman before. And frankly the only reasons I'm still here are 1. I'm not financially able to move out of their house and 2. I keep thinking this is something to do with her mental health issues and can be worked on. She has huge trust issues. I also realize that I am the secondary relationship here and her husband is first priority, as he should be, since he is her primary partner. But while she swears she loves me she barely hugs me. When I tried to break up with her she begged me to "give her time to work on it." She introduces me to everyone as her girlfriend. She will text me an "I LOVE YOU" out of the blue when I'm at work. The signals are so mixed its giving me whiplash.

I don't know, Dan. Do I ride out the storm or DTMFA? She is in therapy but none of us think much of the program her insurance has her on. They keep changing her therapist and none of the ones she sees are trained in DID. Some of them haven't been trained in PTSD, they were social workers or family councilors. Do you have someone that can point me in the right direction for help? Or do I just need to pull my head out of my ass and end this?

Need A Neckbrace

My response after the jump...