Recently, I was talking to a Portland abortion clinic social worker (because I know how to party) and she said that one of her patients arrived at the clinic by medical cab to an unwelcoming committee of protesters. The driver decellerated and told the protesters, "I'm on your side. I'm just doing this for a job," RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE PATIENT! Doing what for a job? Being a dick? That job might seem like it pays really well, but not in healthy karmic energy currency. Also, a dick-job seems not that far off from the thing that got one into this predicament in the first place.

Not only are reproductive rights constantly under legal siege by angry white polar barely human Republicans, but women who get abortions are shamed and guilted for getting a totally legal procedure. Oregon is the ONLY state left that hasn’t imposed restrictions on abortion, but even in this best-case scenario, women are still bullied and shamed before and after abortions.

Even though it's relatively easy to obtain an abortion in Oregon, there are still plenty of psychological barriers to stop women from getting the procedure, or more often punish them emotionally for doing so. There are crisis pregnancy centers even in the magickal fairy realm of Oregon, which attempt to counsel women out of getting abortions because of god and stuff. (Why would god care that much? I mean, he let his own kid die. I think... right? I didn't read the whole book, just that Lord of the Rings spinoff series.) An acquaintance of mine went to a crisis pregnancy center in Minnesota—after administering a pregnancy test, they showed her pictures of fetuses almost before the urethra was dry. That's so gross. I only get those pro-life pamphlets FOR THE ARTICLES. No, Mom, it's not what you think, it's just pictures of fetuses under my bed! If I slumber above them for a fortnight of moons, the spell shall be complete.

No one should have a baby out of guilt. If you're going to contribute to overpopulation and urban growth, be proud of it. If you’re gonna splooge your corrosive genes into the universe, own it! In the game of reproduction, Humans: 1. Planet: 0.

The dick of the week is abortion protesters who shame women for getting a perfectly legal procedure—but hey, at least we don't live in Texas! Tune in next week to make me feel guilty for giving away that Sandman comic book that was once a part of me, but just doesn’t fit into my current lifestyle.